Monday, June 28, 2010

WHY YOU NEVER QUESTION A DRUNK

 I was shopping at the local supermarket where I

selected: 
           
            A half-gallon of 2% milk, 
            A carton of eggs, 
            A quart of  orange juice, 
            A head of romaine lettuce, 
            A 2 lb. can of coffee, and 
            A 1 lb. package of bacon. 
            A package of gum.
           
            As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to
check out, a 
            drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the
items in front of the
            cashier. 
             
            While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the
drunk calmly 
            stated, "You must be single." 
             
            I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was
intrigued by 
            the derelict's intuition, since I was indeed single.
I looked at
            the six items on the belt and saw nothing
particularly unusual 
            about my selections that could have tipped off the
drunk to my 
            marital status. 
             
            Curiosity getting the better of me, I said, "Well,
you know what, 
            you're absolutely right. But how on earth did you
know that?" 
             
            The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."
              

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Guts or balls?

We've all heard about people having guts or balls, but, do you
REALLY know the difference between them?
There is a medical distinction, but there is no difference in the outcome.

GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys being met by
your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: Are you still cleaning?

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys,
smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on
the butt and having the balls to say: You're next, Chubby.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Tattoo of the year!

My son told me, Dad, I would like to have a tattoo.
I told him No, nobody has one in our family ... and you are not having one.
He asked me, Why not ? All my friends have a tattoo !
I told him, It would be a stain on your body !
He pleaded with me, Dad, please, please, just a Cartoon Character on the belly
And after many hours of discussion I gave in and decided to let him.
I thought ... a Cartoon Character ... is probably not so bad !