Oh Santa....

Here's a nativity scene for dog lovers!

Sometimes you have to pick up yourself and carry on!

Can you relate.....

Redneck Christmas....

Two reasons why it's so hard to solve a Redneck murder:

1) The DNA is all the same.

2) There are no dental records.

Ho, Ho, Ho...

Diapers and Politicians......

This is a test to determine if you are an alcoholic .........If you saw the bar sign, you are an alcoholic .

Here's a unique gift....

Selling my stuff if I die......

Comfort hunting...

Speed up your holiday baking...

"The Tree"

A magician worked on a cruise ship......

The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.
Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show, "Look, Its not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" Or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"

The magician was furious but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the captain's parrot.

Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship sank, drowning almost all who were on board.
The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea, as fate would have it ... With the parrot.

They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word.

This went on for a day... And then 2 days. And then 3 days. Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and said...

"OK, I give up. Where's the fuckin' ship?

How a poorly placed price sticker can change everything.

To Do List

Guys will love this...

How a bacon-cheeseburger is made.

Facebook Hangover

Boys....

You want me on top........

Summer's almost over, get all the rays you can.....

Electile Dysfunction:

The inability to become aroused over any of the choices for President put forth by either party in the 2012 election year.

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale 'He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks.

'Yep,' the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'

The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young.. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA.

In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'

'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running...

But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.'

'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

'Ten dollars,' the guy says.

'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'

'Because he's a liar. He's never been out of the yard'

A sign of the times.

Situational Awareness

Traveling sperm.......

Rocky 7

Making a statement.......

You know, there are some things that you just never think of..........like Mt. Rushmore from the Canadian side.

Couples Massage

Nozzlerage

An old married couple was at home watching TV. The husband had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel. The wife became more and more annoyed and finally said: "For god's sake! Leave it on the porn channel. You already know how to fish!"

PORNOGRAPHY FOUND IN BIN LADEN’S COMPUTER FILES

Somebody needs a spark arrestor.

The White House Bed

---

One night, Obama is tossing restlessly in his White House bed. He awakens to see George Washington standing by him. Barack asks him, "George, what's the best thing I can do to help the country?"

"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington advises, then fades away.

The next night, Obama is astir again, and sees the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moving through the darkened bedroom. Obama calls out, "Tom, please! What is the best thing I could do to help the country?"

"Respect the Constitution, like I did," Jefferson advises, and dims from sight.

Barack isn't sleeping well the third night when he sees another figure moving in the shadows. It is Abraham Lincoln's ghost. "Abe, what is the best thing I can do right now, to help the country?" Obama pleads.

Abe replies: "Go see a play".

Awesome pool party

Finally A Book On Understanding Women.

It's never too late to be what you might have been, George Eliot

Never go home unexpectedly........

Biological freak of nature - woman with two different color boobs.