Friday, February 26, 2010

Woman runs over matress on the highway

A woman ran over a mattress on the highway,
And decided not to worry -- and kept on driving.

The ensuing jumble finally whipped around enough
To tear a hole in the fuel tank.

The Subsequent Lack Of Fuel Is What Finally
Brought Her Vehicle To Its Knees.

She Had Still Managed To Drive 30 More Miles
With A 60-Pound Tangle of Stuff Wrapped Around Her Drive shaft.

She Had it Towed To Her Dealership And Complained
That The Vehicle Had A "Sort Of Shimmy"

When She Was Driving At High Speeds. What They Found At Her Dealership.....................

Grandma goes to court

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Bored at work today, kill a few flies....

1. Kill a few flies.
2. Put them in the sun to dry for one hour.
3. Once they are dry, pick a pencil and paper... Let your imagination flow.
Here are a few examples...

Friday, February 5, 2010

A man moves to a nudist colony.

A man moves into a nudist colony.
He receives a letter from his grandmother asking him to Send her a current photo of himself in his new location.
Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half and mails it.The next day he discovers that he had accidentally sent the bottom half of the photo. He's really worried but Then remembers how bad his grandmother's eyesight is, and hopes she won't notice. A few weeks later, he receives a letter from his Grandmother. It says, "Thank you for the picture. Change your hairstyle... it makes your nose look too short. Love, Grandma"

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Fishing Story...

One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside
cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out.
She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up,
and begins to read her book.
The peace and solitude are magnificent.

Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat.
He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'

'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?')

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.

'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.'

'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment.
For all I know you could start at any moment.
I'll have to take you in and write you up.'

'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman.

'But I haven't even touched you,' says the Game Warden.

'That's true, but you have all the equipment..
For all I know you could start at any moment.'

'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.

Just in case you are shopping for a new bicycle seat....

When you purchase your bike, make sure the color of bike seat is taken into consideration! Choose wisely . . .